Everyone Says He is depressed, Is He? Or Does He Really Want a Divorce??Sun, Jan 16th 2011
I have been with my husband for 9 years and married for 4. We have 3 children. Three months ago he left, stating we were over. He is 35, I am years old. I always thought our relationship was great, and did everyone. Ours was the type of relationship that, when people saw us, they knew we were in love. Not because we were all over each other, but for the connection we had. We were best friends, soul mates.
On the day he left and declared we were over. Naturally I was shocked and asked him if he wanted a divorce as I was confused?? He immediately said, "No!" I explained that if he didn't want to be with me anymore and as was strongly saying so, we would in the future have to get divorced. His sulky reply was, "I suppose we will get divorced then!"
I have been confused as he played loving husband right up until he left, even whisking me upstairs on several occasions days before he left. I asked why he did this and he replied he was trying to make the marriage work. However, he won't communicate and I had no idea. He regrets not telling me, but feels it's too late now. Since that day he has not changed his mind. He had a loving wife, three lovely children, a house and etc. He won't work at the marriage and will not talk about it.
I'm sure there isn't another woman although I can't be 100% sure. He says he loves me and always will, finds me sexually attractive, I'm a good wife mother etc. But he sees me as a best friend and not his wife. He feels the spark has gone.
I have tried everything to save the marriage, but he won't budge at all, and will not try and get the spark back. I'm confused how he can throw it all away? I have asked how long he felt like this before he left and he said two months. Two months to me doesn't seem long enough to decide to end a marriage.
The romance has dissipated a bit, what with having young 3 kids and both of us working, but he isn't romantic or sexual, really. I have usually started things going and suggested stuff to excite things, while he was always a bit prudish and shy. I have never denied him or made him feel unloved. We always kiss each other everyday, hugged, wrote notes, etc.
The only problem we did have that was a constant niggle for him was money and his job. He did love his job, but, now that he is in management and has more stress, he hates it. He feels trapped there because it pays well and he has felt this way for a very time. He has suffered from work related stress and our MD has signed him off from work before because of it. He is always fed up with only having enough money to pay bills and nothing to play with. He is never happy come pay day, and is on a constant downer.
I could be wrong but it seems like he has got so down, that to escape it all he feels he needs to literally escape everything and start again. He wants to sell the house and pay off debts through the divorce.
I have already filed for divorce. However, it has been thee months of him saying he loves me but isn't in-love. He won't go to counseling, won't talk and won't do anything, not even for the kids sake. He won't try just to say he has tried. He is 100% sure and hasn't any doubts!
I cannot believe this. This isn't the man I married. He is just so cold that he doesn't seem to even care about the kids!! He has literally walked away and not looked back.
Am I delusional?? Is he perfectly sane or could he be depressed? I just hope he is sure this is what he truly wants because I do love him still and would hate for him to regret this later when it is too late, Divorce isn't really going to improve things.
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