Ask Dr. Schwartz: Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions
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I have co-parented my 15 y/o daughter with her mother for over 9 years. My daughter and I have always been close and got along well. Recently, I discovered she was having oral sex with a boy. After many weeks of thought and planning, I discussed this with her, calmly delving into subjects such as planned parenthood, why she felt it necessary to engage in such behaviors, etc. I then asked her to discontinue her relationship with the boy. She agreed, but then failed to do so. Before I had a chance to develop and process for dealing with her refusal to comply with my wishes, she told her mother she would commit suicide if she had to come back to my house because, according to her, she doesn\'t feel \"safe\" there. Her mother immediately suspended our regular time-share arrangement and filed a motion for full custody. My response was to insist that my daughter see a mental health counselor. Since then (over a month ago), my daughter has refused to come home, and her mental health counsel is supporting this contending my daughter feels \"unsafe.\" I\'ve tried to explain to the therapist that my daughter\'s reaction to what I believe was nothing more than good parenting is not a rational response. We all agree she needs counseling, but the therapist, my daughter, and my ex-wife seem to believe the main component is keeping us apart. I have not seen may daughter for 5 weeks now. Should I walk away and let my daughter come to her senses on her own? Should I continue to insist that my daughter and I be reunited to work our way through this? My feelings of concern for her mental health are conflicting mightily with my hurt and anger at my daughter for basically convincing other adults that I\'m some sort of threat to her -- which is not true (and has never been true). Should I communicate with her my anger, or shield her from it?

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