My needy son hates my boyfriend. How can I avoid choosing one over the other?
I have been divorced for almost 9 years. I have 2 children ages 22, and 14. I am now living with someone and have been for the past 4 years. We bought a house together. Before that we had been together, broke up and then got back together. When I divorced, my ex husband took my son away from me (brainwashed him) he was about 13 years old then. He has stayed with him but that was because he was able to do whatever it was that he wanted to do. He eventually got into trouble, we (my ex and I) bailed him out more than once. He is now 21 years old and my problem is this, he says that he can't stand the man that I live with. At one time when the court placed my son with me, they exchanged words telling each other that they didn't like each other. He and I ended up breaking up and I was alone with my kids for a while. It was nice, but I missed him. Eventually we got back together. My son has since had a girlfriend, lost a girlfriend, lost a daughter (born very premature) and lost a step son who his mother took (the girlfriend he lost) He is now living alone. He comes over to the house once in a while. He has now however been wanting to spend the night more often. I don't have a problem with this, but my boyfriend does. He doesn't like my kids and he doesn't trust my kids. My son can be very manipulative, just like his father, and will try and make you feel guilty for something that isn't even your fault. Well to make a long story short, what do I do when my son wants to spend the night? He sometimes needs someone around. He still sees his father, but his father will want to talk to him sometimes and makes him feel like a "loser". My son is not a loser, he is just lost. I am seriously thinking about leaving my boyfriend because I think my kids need me. Or is my son just trying to break us up and making me feel guilty. I don't know what to do. There is a lot of tension when they are both at the house. I love my son very much, but I can't let him run my life either. What should I do?
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
- 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.